"If you are trying to lead and you are not in therapy, spiritual direction or coaching, you are in malpractice." --Tod Bolsinger, Tempered Resilience Webinar, May 11, 2020
Tod Bolsinger's words first lifted my chin, and then punched me between the eyes.
My first thought was, "I can use that quote!" After all, we have just launched the RARE Leadership Community. It has been a lot of work putting together an online platform for leaders and aspiring leaders to gather. In my mind, I pictured this quote front and center on the website. It practically screams "You need our services!" Yes! What a gift! I have recommended Bolsinger's book Canoeing the Mountains to more people than I could track. This quote felt like a "thank you" gift for helping sell his books.
However, that first thought about marketing was rapidly followed by holy conviction. "Dawn, you are not in ongoing therapy, spiritual direction or coaching." Ouch. Ok, Lord. You have my attention.
As the webinar continued, I became more convinced that I really do need someone officially in my corner. There is a restlessness in my soul. Lately I have lamented to my husband that I feel like I've been pouring out to others more than I get poured into. Even before the coronavirus, I was experiencing the losses that come with the normal ebb and flow of life. That escalated with the shut-down. Yes, I continued working, but there was far less coaching, far more computer work. Yes, we have done a lot of meetings by video-conference; but that is no substitute for face-to-face interaction. Videoconferencing does not allow for direct eye contact, which is an important part of connecting at the heart level. Without direct eye contact, we have to work a lot harder to engage people. Facilitating a video-conference is emotionally and physically exhausting, and not nearly as satisfying as an in-person session.
Quarantine also means we miss out on the experience of touch. Even little, platonic touches like handshakes and shoulder pats can make a difference for our nervous systems. As a counselor, I believe that much of the anxiety we all are experiencing is the reduction of eye contact and touch. Our nervous systems need sensory-relational interaction. That's true for me as well as those I coach and lead.
What does all this have to do with Leadership Malpractice? Here's the thing: one of the responsibilities of leaders is self-care. Whether we lead as a parent, an employer, a pastor, an elected official, or group leader, we feel the weight of people depending on us. That weight has felt heavier during these last several months. If we are all missing out on interactions vital to our emotional health, we need to do something about it. If we shirk our responsibility to care for ourselves, we are in danger of hurting those we are committed to serving. The coronavirus has put a finer point on the need for support for all of us.
This morning I had my first appointment with my new Spiritual Advisor. Actually, she's not really new to me in that capacity. Carol has unofficially been pouring into me since I first met her three years ago at a conference. She lives in Illinois. I live in Florida, so we don't see each other much. However, since that time, she has regularly interceded for me and my work. (Intercession is kind of like prayer on rocket fuel). We have been in touch off and on by phone. Every time I speak with Carol, I am blessed. I usually learn something new. Carol always knows the right time to call, and exactly how to pray for me.
So, when I pondered to whom I could go for spiritual direction, Carol came to mind. This morning I found out that I am her first directee. She had been feeling called to become a Spiritual Director, but was unsure. So she asked God to confirm that call by sending someone. It was not long before I contacted her with my request.
It's a really great feeling to be an answer to prayer.
And it was a really great feeling to lean into Carol's wisdom and gentle heart over the phone today. I still feel refreshed from our time together. Our appointment was like an oasis in the desert, a full glass of cold water after a long, dry trip. The weight of leadership feels more bearable. I am energized. Instead of wondering if I have what it takes, I am looking forward to the next leg of the journey.
Ahhh! Thank you, Carol.
What about you? Are you energized and looking forward to what's next? Or do you feel worried and weighted down? Perhaps you have a Carol in your life. Who is a blessing every time you speak with them? Whose wisdom do you trust? Who knows how to really pray for you?
Give them a call. Get that drink of water you need, so that you can continue serving others.