Do you ever hear that accusatory question? "Who do you think you are? What makes you think anyone needs anything from you?"
Recently I wrote an email about how I cried out to God for myself in worry. His response was to remind me of Peter and John in Acts 3. When a beggar asked them for a handout, Peter's response was "I don't have any money, but I will give you what I do have." And then he miraculously healed the man. In reminding me of that scripture, God challenged me with the question, "Dawn, what do you have to give?"
That question ignited in me a passion to share what I have been learning and teaching for the past two decades. So I started sharing, through emails, webinars, online courses, Facebook live prayers, and any other way I could find.
The initial passion was like rocket fuel for a few days. I couldn't get things done fast enough. But rocket fuel is meant for launch, not long-term cruising. There is still plenty to do, so much teaching to share, so many skills that people need that we can teach and practice with them. But now the doubts are creeping in. Like hyenas that have been circling, biding their time, looking for weakness, the accusing thoughts are starting to mock me.
"Who do you think you are?"
"What makes you think anyone wants to hear from you?"
"You must think you are so special!"
"Why would anyone want what you have to give?"
There are a lot more, but I don't want to give them more attention than they deserve. You get the idea. And I'm sure you have your own hyena-thoughts.
Psychiatrist Daniel Amen, M.D. calls them "ANTs"--Automatic Negative Thoughts
Writer Stephen Pressfield calls them "Resistance." (I highly recommend his short but excellent book The War of Art. It's all about how artists need to conquer Resistance in order to give the world the gift of their art).
The Bible calls them lies and doubts. Jesus said we have an Adversary, who is the Father of Lies. Whether you believe in literal demons or not, you probably still deal with lies and doubts. Some days, they whisper. Other days, they shout so loud it's hard to hear anything else.
Some of the most hideous lies and doubts are about our identity and purpose. These are the doubts that ask, "Who do you think your are?" These are the lies that tell us, "No one wants what you have to give."
In order to move forward, in order to bring the gifts to the world that we are meant to bring, we have to fight the lies and doubts. We have to stomp on the ANTs. We have to defy resistance. We have to capture the hyena-thoughts. We can't let them stop us.
There's a lot to unpack here--more than I thought when I started this post. I think this will need to become a series. But before I close this post, I want to answer the question. And I want to encourage you to answer it, too.
Who do you think you are?
Here's my answer:
I am Dawn Joy Whitestone Szydlowski. I am a Child of God, a Daughter of the King of Kings. That makes me a princess! I am the wife of the awe-inspiring John David Szydlowski, who still can take my breath away! I am the mother of two amazing daughters.
I am an author. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, with over 20 years of experience helping people through trauma. I am a trainer, who has hundreds of people learn, grow and live better.
I have walked through the trauma of divorce, homeschooling two sick children and a father dying of cancer, all at the same time. I have learned to face trials with joy (James 1:2-4). Like Paul, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:12 NIV) Take that, COVID-19!
So, hyenas, I'm telling you right now to back off! You can whisper your doubts. You can shout your lies all you want. I know who I am, I know why I'm here, and you are not going to stop me!
Wow, that felt good!
Now it's your turn. I'm serious. Answer the question. Write down your answer. See how good it feels!
Who do you think you are?
If you need some help answering that question, the Bible has a lot to say about identity. Author Neil Anderson put together of great list of scripture references on our Identity. You can download it at the Freedom in Christ website (FICM.org).
I would also like to share this quote from Stephen Pressfield's book the War of Art:
“Are you a born writer? Were you put on earth to be a painter, a scientist, an apostle of peace? In the end the question can only be answered by action. Do it or don't do it. It may help to think of it this way. If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don't do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself. You hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet. You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God. Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It's a gift to the world and every being in it. Don't cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you've got.” ― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles
I agree with Pressfield. Give us what you've got!
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